Background information
The Bible is a collection of sacred Christian texts that contain many stories, laws, and teachings. In it, there is much wisdom that can be applied to our modern-day lives. One area of life encompassed by the Bible’s teachings is how to handle toxic parents. Toxic parents, or parents who are emotionally manipulative, controlling, and damaging, can cause great harm to their children. It is important to be aware of what the Bible has to say about how to deal with toxic parents.
What Does The Bible Say About Toxic Parents?
The Bible is clear that honoring one’s parents is important, regardless of whether or not they are toxic. In Ephesians 6:2-3, it states: “Honor your father and mother… that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.” Honoring one’s parents does not mean that we have to condone their toxic behavior. It is possible to honor them by speaking the truth in love, mindfully setting boundaries, and seeking proper professional help.
God also calls us to forgive our parents for the harm they have caused us. In Matthew 6:15, it states: “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” By entering into a practice of forgiving our parents, we can free ourselves of bitterness and resentment. This allowing us to move forward in our lives with greater peace and joy.
When toxic parents step outside of their authority, Scripture tells us to be faithful to the Lord while still honoring our parents. In Acts 4:18-20, it states: “We must obey God rather than any human authority.” We can obey the Lord by seeking to follow His will, even if it means disobeying our parents. Of course, we should be careful not to take this verse too far and be unloving or disrespectful in the way we go about disobeying our parents.
The Bible also offers us encouragement that we can rely on God in times of distress. In Psalms 9:9-11 it states: “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.” No matter how dire our circumstances, God is there with us. He is ready to help us in our time of need.
When is it Necessary to Disobey a Toxic Parent?
In some cases, it is necessary for us to disobey our toxic parents. This might mean breaking away from them or creating physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries between ourselves and them. It is important to understand that this is not always easy or convenient, but it is important to prioritize our own health and well-being above all else.
If a toxic parent is causing physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, it is important to protect oneself by seeking professional help, calling law enforcement if necessary, and removing oneself from the situation. A counselor or a trusted friend or family member can help us to develop an action plan to make sure we are safe.
When disobeying a toxic parent it is important to avoid gossip and slander. The Bible warns us against such actions and instead encourages us to treat our parents with respect even if we disagree with them. In Leviticus 19:16 it states: “Do not go about spreading slander among your people.” We should strive to be honest while being mindful of treating our parents with respect.
How Can We Honor God and Our Parents?
The Bible is clear that we are to honor both God and our parents. We can do this by actively avoiding sin, living with integrity, and treating our parents with love, kindness, and respect. It is possible to disagree with our parents in a loving and respectful way.
We should also not forget to take care of ourselves. The Bible commands us to love our neighbor as we love ourself (Matthew 22:39). Having self-care practices in place can help us manage the stress of being around a toxic parent and better prepare us to endure difficult times.
We can also actively seek out the help of others. It is okay to ask for help when we need it and to lean on those around us. Having a strong support system can be a huge benefit when navigating the ups and downs of life, particularly when how we were raised and the relationship with our parents has caused us pain.
How Can We Take Care of Ourselves in the Face of Toxic Parenting?
The first step to dealing with toxic parents is to recognize the situation for what it is and to accept that we cannot change our parents. It is important to learn how to respond appropriately to their negative behavior to ensure our own well-being. We can do this by consciously creating boundaries and self-care practices in place.
Setting appropriate boundaries can be a helpful way to keep our mental and emotional health sound. Not all boundaries will be the same for everyone, but this could include setting time limits for interactions with our parents, not having open conversations about difficult topics, and creating physical space (if necessary).
Creating self-care practices can also be very beneficial for us. This could include creating a schedule for time for rest and relaxation, engaging in activities that bring us joy, and creating space in our lives for meaningful relationships.
What Other Resources Are Available to Help?
Recognizing the signs of toxic parenting can be the first step to making a change and accessing the help that is available to us. There are a variety of resources available, ranging from mental health professionals, support groups, educational materials, and books available to help us navigate difficult family relationships.
It is also important to consider getting help and support from a close friend, family member, pastor, or counselor. These individuals can provide valuable insights and perspectives that can enlighten us on how to go about dealing with a toxic parent.
Taking ownership of our own emotions and learning how to manage and respond to our own emotional triggers can also be of great help. Learning to recognize our emotional and mental states, as well as developing new coping techniques, can help us to navigate the waters of complicated family dynamics.
How Can We Pray for Our Toxic Parents?
The Bible also encourages us to pray for our parents, even when we find ourselves in a difficult situation. In 1 Timothy 2:1-5, it states: “I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession, and thanksgiving be made for all people—for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior.”
Prayer is a powerful tool that can help us to release our worries to the Lord and to surrender our parents to Him. Praying for our toxic parents can give us a sense of reprieve, knowing that our parents are placed in the hands of a powerful, loving God. We can also place our own heart in the care of God and trust that He will heal our hurts.
How Can We Show Grace to Our Toxic Parents?
The Bible tells us to be gracious and merciful to our parents, no matter how difficult the situation. Ecclesiastes 7:9 states: “Be not overly wicked, neither be a fool. Why should you die before your time?” This verse reminds us that we still have a responsibility to honor them, and it is important to not allow our hurt to lead us to reciprocate their toxic behavior.
By having grace and mercy towards our parents, we are allowing ourselves to forgive and to recognize that all people are flawed, even if they are acting in a hurtful way. This helps us to stay focused on God’s goodness, instead of being consumed and weighed down by our pain.
What Are Some Practical Tips for Handling Toxic Parents?
When navigating toxic parenting, it is important to remain consistent with our values. It can be helpful to have a set of values that guide our decisions and to determine ahead of time the stance we will take if our parents challenge them. This can help us in a difficult moment, so that we can trust our guiding principles to help direct us.
It can also be helpful to consider the impact that our words and actions will have on our parents. Remembering to communicate in a kind and gentle manner can be a helpful way to stay true to our values while still honoring our parents according to the Bible.
Practicing self-care and maintaining an awareness of our own needs is also very important when dealing with toxic parents. It is helpful to create a plan of action for difficult times which can include activities that comfort us, people to reach out to, and how to set healthy boundaries with our toxic parents.
Overall it is important for us to remember that no matter how difficult the situation is, our loving heavenly father is there for us, guiding us through every step of the way.
