What does the Bible say about Abuse in Marriage?
Each year, countless marriages are broken by domestic violence, control, manipulation, and coercion. Though media may sensationalize the physical harm caused by abusers, the reality is that the majority of marriages subject to abuse face long-term mental, emotional and spiritual damage too. In many cases, abuse occurs in the Christian home, raising the question: what does the Bible say about abuse in marriage?
The Bible is a book of wisdom. It provides specific guidelines for how citizens should interact in an ethical and just society. While it does not explicitly speak to the issue of abuse in marriage, several scriptures offer a clear blueprint for how godly spouses should treat one another.
For instance, 1 Corinthians 7:3 and 4 addresses the principle of submission, stating “The wife must respect her husband. The husband must love his wife like he loves himself. He must be willing to die for her”. This powerful admonition speaks to the need to nurture and preserve relationships even in agreement and conflict. Moreover, it emphasizes the importance of mutual respect and a selfless, sacrificial love.
On a similar note, Ephesians 5:25 outlines the duty of husbands to “love their wives as they love the Lord”. As such, husbands must choose to cherish and protect their marital partners, maintaining love and understanding. When a spouse instead uses sharp words, insults, or physical aggression, it indicates an improper extension of authority and an unfounded claim to dominance.
Colossians 3:18–21 further highlights the significance of communication and respect in marriage. This scripture sets the standard of mutual submission to one another, expressing that “husbands should love their wives, and wives should honor their husbands”. The context indicates that relationships should be grounded in love and understanding, rather than fear and control.
Finally, James 5:16 suggests that couples can form unbreakable bonds by praying together and seeking trustworthy counsel. Coupled with other biblical instructions, this verse reminds couples that consulting both the lord and a spiritual leader can help them to nurture authentic and enriching relationships.
Vulnerable People in Abusive Marriages
Although biblical teachings provide a moral framework for preventing abuse in marriage, those who are already trapped in abusive unions often have no other option but to persevere in their relationship. In these cases, the significant power imbalance between husband and wife often leaves the less powerful partner—usually the woman—particularly vulnerable to further abuse.
According to a 2018 survey conducted by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), almost half of all women in the U.S. are subjected to psychological and physical abuse in their relationship. Additionally, both spouses are disproportionately likely to experience suicidal ideation and post-traumatic disorder. The risks of these conditions are compounded by the cultural pressure to maintain the appearance of a “happy family”, even when the reality of the situation is drastically different.
Furthermore, the lack of understanding from the broader public means that the vast majority of abuse cases are simply never reported. In some cases, victims may remain in relationship out of fear of abandonment, or to spare their children the experience of growing up in a broken home. Underscoring all of these conditions is the frequent absence of alternative financial security, leaving victims unable to seek care and guidance from other support networks.
Legal Reform for Abuse in Marriage
In response to the frequency of domestic violence, governments introduce legal reforms to deter abuse and offer protection to victims across conservative and relaxed societies. In established democracies, the introduction of the “no-fault divorce” is the most significant legislative development, allowing couples to end their unions without assigning blame. This system has enabled spouses to distance themselves from violent family members and potentially build new lives in a safe, secure environment.
At the same time, some governments have introduced harsher penalties for abusers, providing victims with additional resources to sue perpetrators and seek damages. These laws have increased access to legal aid and, in some cases, have provided state-sponsored housing and counseling services to those leaving abusive relationships. In some parts of the world, research-backed campaigns have encouraged victims to come forward with their stories and seek assistance.
Notwithstanding these efforts, the costs associated with legal proceedings, and the stigma associated with seeking aid, mean that the vast majority of abuse cases still go unreported and unpunished. As a result, the problem of abuse in marriage still blights global marriages of all religions.
Preventing Abuse in Marriage
Preventing abuse in marriage is critical for protecting spouses from physical and mental harm. Accordingly, couples should approach marriage with amity and trust, upholding both the human dignity and sacredness of the engagement. This can be achieved through prayer and a thematic implementation of the scriptures outlined earlier in this article.
Before they wed, couples should also have difficult conversations to ensure honesty, understanding, and respect. This may include setting expectations on communication frequency, expressing feelings in ways that deem to be respectful and agreeable. With these conversations in mind, couples can nurture loving relationships and form compatible marriage according to the will of God.
Alternatives to Abuse in Marriage
When current partners are unable to achieve compatible marriages, individuals may choose to explore alternative paths, including spiritual and psychological connection with friends and family. In the cases of abuse, this may include seeking professional assistance from pastors, counselors, and legal experts. Although difficult and costly, these path may provide the opportunity to seek justice, break the cycle of domestic violence, and build new, safer, and healthier relationships.
In some cases, this may mean re-evaluating the purpose of marriage and seeking solace in the friendship and fellowship of the local community. In doing so, individuals can avoid additional suffering, preserve their reputations, and gain strength. This can manifest in strong support networks—comprised of caring professionals and citizens—which provide resources to individuals in their hour of need.
Breaking the Cycle of Abuse in Marriage
Breaking an ingrained cycle of abuse in marriage can be a difficult and painstaking process. For victims, it can mean reconciling faith and sacrificing a life of security and stability held together through fear. It requires courage, strength, and above all—faith in the lord. Only through belief and perseverance can individuals reconcile the teachings of the Bible with their personal and professional well-being.
In spite of the harrowing nature of these experiences, the world is beginning to raise its voice against abuse, creating greater awareness and justice for victims worldwide. In many cases, the Bible provides essential wisdom and guidance for understanding the conditions of abuse in marriage and for providing clarity and hope for those seeking solace in its words.
Faith and Theology for Abuse in Marriage
Scripture can also provide a much-needed source of comfort and guidance. In some cases, pastors, theologians, academics, and church-goers have combined the moral principles embodied in scripture with the realities of today’s culture, to shape a prayer of healing and restoration. This movement has emerged as a source of inspiration and strength for victims of abuse, providing hope of a future where spousal relationships are characterized by love, understanding, and mutual respect.
Moreover, the Christian theology of suffering has also been used to construct a narrative of hope for abused spouses, suggesting that these struggles can be crucibles for purpose, growth, and healing. While these messages may not replace losses, they offer an invaluable reminder that victory comes from trusting in God and his promises.
Seeking Support in Cases of Abuse
Finally, it is always important to remember that, regardless of the teachings of scripture, no one deserves to be abused. As a result, victims of abuse should never accept this conduct as the norm, or be made to look upon their situations with shame. In difficult times, the Christian faith demands that victims of abuse reach out for help, use available resources, and share their stories with their community—thereby advancing against the darkness.
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, please don’t suffer in silence. Seek help from local faith-based and community groups, as well as from crisis hotlines and support networks. With the potential help available, it is possible to escape the damaging cycle of abuse and to once again experience a peaceful, godly marriage.
