Qualities in a Good Husband According to The Bible
In the Bible’s Proverbs chapter 31, there is a description of what it means for a man to be a good husband. These qualities are timeless and applicable to all ages and cultures, providing a road map for male partners who desire to exhibit behaviors towards their spouse that honor, respect and bring joy to their marriage. In the context of a spiritual partnership, an understanding of the principles set forth in this passage is essential to achieving a successful, loving marriage relationship.
The initial qualities listed in the scripture are those which are inner based and demonstrate a men’s ability to communicate with transparency. For instance, in verse 11 it says “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.” This conveys that a good husband has the capacity to listen to, gain insight from and trust in his partner, setting the tone for establishing mutual respect.
The second set of qualities focus on selflessness and providing for the needs of his wife. The scripture provides specific and direct instruction on this, such as in verse 12 “She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” An additional instruction in verse 12 is that he brings her “good and not evil, all the days of her life”. This implies that he has removed himself from any activity that could potentially be harmful to their marriage including physical, emotional or spiritual adulteries.
The third set of instructions are also about providing for the needs of his partner, but in a different way. These focus more on providing financially for the welfare of his wife, such as in verse 13 “She seeks wool and flax, and works willingly with her hands.” Her willingness to go to labor and take responsibility for the financial wellbeing of the marriage is of utmost importance in the eyes of her husband.
The fourth and last set of qualities are about kindness and approachability. In verse 20, it states “She extends her hand to the poor, and she stretches out her hands to the needy.” This communicates that by being kindhearted and generous to others, a man demonstrates a strong sense of empathy and compassion and sets the standard for how he should treat his wife.
Appreciation
Good husbands also appreciate the little things their wives do. Acknowledgement of her efforts in creating a peaceful home environment and caring for the family have significant psychological value. It goes further than just expressing gratitude, it is a sign of respect and a tangible form of positive reinforcement which motivates her to continue to do more.
Sometimes when challenges arise, a good husband can provide understanding and support which is invaluable. Verses 25-27 talks about how a good husband supports his wife and are living testimony of understanding and faith – “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.”
Listening to her troubles, counseling her in her various challenges and avoiding criticism are also signs of a good husband who respects her. Compliments, being proactive in child rearing and household duties and being available emotionally to lend a supportive ear to his spouse all help to keep a marriage strong and loving.
Protector and Provider
Central amongst the qualities a good husband should possess is protection. The scripture implores men to be a “strong shield” that defends the family emotionally, spiritually and physically. Beyond the traditional concept of protection, this includes helping make sure his family is provided financial security without forgetting the spiritual factor. His spiritual leadership should involve extending spiritual guidance to his wife and children, centering his family life in God’s Word.
In addition to protecting his wife, a good husband is also a provider. In today’s society, this does not mean he must be the sole financial supporter for the family. However, it does mean that he offers his wife the opportunity to use her gifts and talents to contribute in whatever way best suits her. This might mean providing day care for the children, paying for day-to-day expenses, or securing medical coverage. Whatever the case, the husband has an obligation to provide the means to fulfill basic needs.
A good husband also serves as an advocate and a supporter of his wife’s dreams, goals and abilities. He provides a safe environment for her to stretch and grow. He inspires her to do more and be more, assuring her that her accomplishments are appreciated and valued.
Integrity
In addition to physical protection, a good husband should display integrity – both within the confines of their marriage and out in public. He should honor his word, keep their wedding vows and encourage his wife to always act with integrity. This requires a level of honest communication, transparency and trust. Without these core values in place, it is very difficult to maintain a lasting marriage.
The husband is also being held accountable to set the standard for moral and ethical behavior within the family. He should be a role model of uprightness, godly principles and valuing family. A man with integrity will lead his family with a faithful hand and will seek to impart these same truths and values to their children.
God expects that husbands will provide a secure environment for their wives and families. Whether that is through communication, provision or protection, it is the man’s responsibility to decide and respond accordingly. The Bible specifically mentions the need for spiritual protection and a moral compass.
Leadership
In the Ephesians 5:25-33New Living Translation, the bible encourages husbands to be spiritual leaders, pastors and protectors. It states, “Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty.” This underscores the role of a good husband in using his power to love and nurture his wife.
The bible further states, “She is his body, composed of many parts. He’s the head, the church-source of her life.” Being head of the family goes beyond a hierarchical namesake. It necessitates actively engaged leadership as he leads in discipleship to his family-promoting and encouraging them to put God first.
To be a good leader, he must also love unconditionally and show efforts towards improvement. Verses 31-33 further explains the leader’s role in relation to his wife — “For you are no longer two, but one. So be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing with joy in your heart to God. For this is how married couples are to live. Husbands, love your wives with a sense of honor. Be sufficently tender toward her, marking her as a woman of exquisite and special value.”
Commitment
Perseverance and commitment are two qualities a good husband must possess. He must have an unwavering commitment to making a positive difference in their marriage, inspire his wife and their children, and honor the vows they made to one another. This means a true commitment to putting others ahead of himself.
In the book of Song of Solomon 8:6-7, husbands are encouraged to “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD.Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.” By diligently crafting their love, a good husband solves problems together with his wife, commits to working through the tough moments, and remains devoted regardless of the struggles.
Commitment also involves pushing past the roadblocks, seeking to make their marriage the best it can be with self-sacrifice, visibility and faithfulness. In marriage all is fair, and a good husband intentionally, thoughtfully, and unconditionally does whatever it takes to create an atmosphere of mutual respect.
Respect
Perhaps one of the most important qualities of a good husband is respect. A good husband contributes to the holiness, respect, and dignity of marriage and guides his wife with kindness, gentleness and acceptance. He acknowledges his wife’s significant worth and decisions. Additionally, he is attentive to her needs and stands ready to defend her against any potential harm.
He also understands that respect looks different in a marriage as compared to outside relationships. Verses 22-23 instructs – “that your nature be like the open sea, never holding back. Let your heart always move and turn to the Lord, ready and willing to do whatever you can for the best interest of your wife.” This means actively taking steps to encourage, protect, compensate and honor.
A husband should avoid overstepping her boundaries and instead strive to strengthen their marriage from within. Refrain from words and actions that can be classified as arrogant and disrespectful and ensure that his wife knows that he treasures her and her contribution to their marriage.
